I’ve had conversations about this with my therapist before (yes I go to therapy, why not? I want to be the best I can be and there is nothing wrong with having a professional giving you his/her intake!) and she indicated that the studies show that people should wait at least 3 months before becoming intimate, in that way, they already know each other and won’t fall in the trap of mistaken the sexual connection for trust and knowledge of the person.
Interesting…
Can people really wait 3 months??? Is that possible? What is “normal” in what circumstances? What should the rules be?
I’ve asked some friends about it and they all laughed… most of them told me that by the 3rd date they were already in bed especially in the dynamics of the lesbian world LOL…So if you feel the connection and the intensity, would that be just lust? Can that lust be then developed into knowing/trusting/committing? But also isn’t sex an important part of the process of knowing/trusting? What if you have a great connection with the person, go out 3 months, do all the “right/normal” things and then you find out you have zero connections in the bed? Can that be possible?
I decided to create a survey and see what people in the queer/lesbian community say… of course, I already had some comments (from the older ladies) slapping me because I am asking too much, because who am I to get into their business, because this and that… blah blah… (btw, I really dislike saying the “lesbian community” because I’ve found out a lack of unity and community within and a lot of attacks on each other – OMG like the time I asked for definitions for lesbian, queer, butch, dyke, etc uff).
So here it is the infamous survey: http://www.zoomerang.com/survey.zgi?p=WEB226UWVXBCHV
Let’s see what it’ll reveal!
ABBA, Fletwood Mac, and all those bands that split up because of love issues
1 comments Posted by Yoshitoshi at 12:12 AMWho doesn’t like ABBA? I think I grew up listening to it even though it was almost passed my time and maybe I was still a little kid (4-5 years old?) when they split up… “You are the dancing queen young and sweet only seventeen…” LOL oh that’s like a anthem for all us queers LOL.
All this ABBA thing made me think about love. Love is such a wonderful and messed up thing! Look at all those wonderful groups/bands that split up because of love issues… ABBA, Fleetwood Mac, even Culture Club! (C’mon they were great! Sing with me “do you really want to hurt me? You do really want to make me cryyyy” another queer anthem). You can add as many bands as you want!
Those bands were fantastic at singing about the suffering of love/relations/cheaters/break ups and attacks on each other’s thru their songs… I mean one of the best albums of all times is Rumors by Fleetwood Mac and the whole album is an attack on each other’s infidelities and pissiness (if that is a word) at their relations LOL.
So that’s the thought of the night… Ahh love like U2 says “with or without you with or without you I can’t live with or without youuuu”…
Let’s better sing this song by Harry Nilsson when you are in that uncomfortable line of the “it is over” deal… here it goes for all of you that have had your heart broken by someone:
You’re breakin’ my heart
You’re tearing it apart so f@ck you
All I want to do is have a good time now I’m blue
You won’t boogaloo,
Run down to Tramps, have a dance or two, ooohhh
You’re breakin’ my heart,
You’re tearing it apart but f@ck you
You’re breakin’ my heart
You’re tearing it apart, boo-hoo
You stepped on my ass
You’re breakin’ my glasses too
You won’t drive my car, might be a star
I’ve had enough of you
I’m goin’ insane
There’s no one to blame so f@ck you
You can’t have your way
There’s nothing left to say
There’s nothing left to do, ooooohhh
You’re breakin’ my heart
You’re tearing it apart so f@ck you
You gotta have your way
There’s nothing left to say
There’s nothing left to do, ooooowww
You’re breakin’ my heart
You’re tearing it apart so f@ck you
- Monday: about 1 hr mnt biking at the Mills River.
- Tuesday: conquered Fletcher Creek – mnt biking-
- Wednesday: 2 hrs working out – shoulders and abs- at the gym
- Thursday: mnt biking at Bent Creek
- Friday: about 1 ½ work out at the gym – biceps/triceps and abs
- Saturday: mnt biking for 2 ½ hrs at Bent Creek and then 1 hr quick work out at the gym – chest/back
- Sunday: off
Sunday I woke up and went to church. That place was packed! I didn’t pay much attention to what was going on at church because I couldn’t help it to think/ debate whether to go running on the trails or just go for some treadmill running and legs work out at the gym; my friend Steve called me to ask if I wanted to go kayaking but my mind was determined to go running or the gym so I declined the invitation…
Well, at the end I didn’t do either one. I went home, had lunch, started to watch the WNBA playoff (btw, OMG Becky Hamilton gained some weight but she still looks good/cute and she is still one of my girls ahhh Becky would you go out with me? LOL), then the Little League World Series (aren’t those little boys cute… they really make me go awww), and then I felt asleep. I think my body needed some rest after all.
WTF is going on with the pager-intercom at work? I keep on hearing pu-pu-pu-pu zrrr-zrrrr-zrrr pu-zrr-iee-puie-zrr and when someone tries to page a person it comes out like a bunch of weird noises… It is driving me crazy!
Ok where was I?
Finally it is Monday and I am back at the office… my “to-do” list is getting bigger! And my desk is getting messier and messier… This is just bad, I am not this messy! I need to just put things where they belong so I can actually find the info I need. I am a believer that the only thing you should have at your desk is whatever you are working on at the moment, the rest needs to be filed or out of the way… Mmm
However, that didn't stop me to adventure into the mnts and just do some riding... I rode and rode... after and hour of riding around I met some folks: Lee and Steve. They were catching their breath and we started to talk... so we ended up riding together on the trails.
It was so much fun... we rode together for an hour and a half, they were really nice... I was amazed on well both of them did taking into consideration that they were in their late 50's! I hope I am like them when I am that age.
So what loops did I do? I have no idea... Explore, Sidehill, and other ones that I am not even sure... How many miles? Gosh I really don't know... I think a lot! My legs were burning at the end... I am sure 15 miles or so...
My new found friends (Lee and Steve) are going kayaking tomorrow and they invited me to go with them... I am sure I'll do that in the near future, maybe next weekend but tomorrow is church day... Also, we agreed to go mnt couple times during the week and I can meet them every Saturday... they are always at BC at 10:15 am every Saturday.
Moreover, Lee is very excited when I told her I am from Costa Rica. She is going there on January so she really wants to get together and talk more... I am so blessed for meeting such a nice people!
After mnt biking, I went to the gym and did a quick work out: chess, back, and some abs... just one hour... but it felt great!
I am debating if I should go mnt biking tomorrow after church... maybe I should just take care of things in the house, then go to the gym, and mnt bike on Monday.
Great Saturday! Yeayieee
It was a great ride! This was my first time riding with him and we got to talk a lot (which I was amazed taking into consideration that I am usually out of breath when I mnt bike so I don't talk much), he is a great guy and gave me lots of tips, we also talked about some people we know (here it comes the 2 degrees of separation in Asheville), and I believe this is the beginning of a new good friendship!
We did Sidehill Loop and had a blast! About 8 miles or so it took us about an hour or so... but like I said the best part was the "bounding" process. I won't get to ride with him next week to two weeks as he is preparing for another triathlon in Sept but then we will hit the mountains again!
Saturday morning I'll be meeting another new found mnt biker friend, Tara, for some riding at Bent Creek... Ahhh I can't wait to get out there again!
Raise the glass to Bent Creek.
Next mission: Cleats! That's it... next week I'll start my process of learning how to ride with cleats... Brian gave me some tips (and told me where I can train) and Tara is willing to show me some cleats and help me with that. Yeayiee!
I was so happy because I did it and I did it by myself! However, then I felt sad because the person that got me started on mnt biking is not longer with me… because the only person that knew how important this challenge was to me is gone… and because that was the first person I wanted to call and tell about my conquest... but I must learn to let go and continue with life and that’s what I am doing, I need to do so, I must do so...
Fletcher Creek was a closing and opening of new chapters in my life... and what a dramatic way to do it!
While I was maybe 45 min into the ride it started to rain, I thought it was a little bit of rain… I mean it is summer and it hasn’t rained for a while, but it ended up being a bad storm! It was raining cats and dogs LOL so I took some shelter and waited for the storm to pass by… I was so wet… so my options were 1. keep on going or 2. turn around and get back to the car. I decided to keep on going.
And I kept on going… I didn’t stop… I didn’t get out of the bike… I kept on going… all muggy and all wet but I kept on going… I found my way thru the trails… I kept on going… I took the up hills like nothing, I was just determined to keep on going… on the trail you are supposed to pass over a creek and because it rained that creek was not so little LOL I saw it and thought “holy creek! But here I go!” and I kept on going… it was so thrilling (I even screamed “wowowowoiieieieieiiieee" after passing it).
The down hills sections were killers and the most difficult parts of the ride… I mean it… some of the most difficult I’ve ever down… very tricky, hard, with rocks and because it rained very slippery, but I took them! Couple times I thought “OMG I am about to kill myself” took big breaths and just kept on going and I had a blast… other times I thought “am I on the right way??? This trail looks like no one has come around for a while” but I trusted in myself and all the time I was right on track…
I feel like a billion bucks, really! Now more than ever I know I am a winner, a warrior, a champ! I can conquer anything that comes around… It is all up to me and I tell you I'll never give up!
Thanks you Fletcher Creek! You were a fun ride!
I am excited about mnt biking and I’ll be out there… conquering more trails… I have a trails book and I am determined to conquer each of those trails. I even got a partner in crime, Brian, Mr. Triathlon Man, from all the people I know he is excited about the adventure and is on the wagon with me… we are going Saturday to conquer maybe Middle Fork stepping up a little notch, or just about any place... I'll go with any suggestion Brian might have!
Stay tune! I might go to some other trail tomorrow… we’ll see… BTW, that reminds me, I have 4 months or so before my half marathon, Holy Cow! I better start training… I might consult Brian or even Jessie, another new found friend he runs half and full marathons, to see what they recommend for training.
Yes, that’s me LOL.
There is no question in my mind that I am attracted to women, I am more than 100% sure I am queer (even my dear brother –the queen he is- says that I eradiate a big rainbow flag on my face – I guess his point is that I look queer but I like make-up and try to look like a girl!)… I want to spend the rest of my life with a female partner, have a family with her, live/grow together, and just be happy ever after (I am a romantic and very much believe in love and happiness when you are with the right person).
However, my experiences on the lesbian world have been very limited… at times I thought I figured out how things work… but most of the time I have no idea and end up with a broken heart… I don’t know if a woman is into me or if a woman is lesbian or if I am doing the right things or if I am being too much or too little too pushy or too passive or what the deal is with all that mambo jambo… it is very hard, complicated, confussing, and time consuming… At times I think the whole deal is just ridiculous!
One night I was talking about this with my friends Gina and Emily and they told me that even though they have been in the lesbian world for a while (at least longer than me) it is just complicated! It is always hard to know who is into who and what is what… they pointed out that usually you get a friend and then a group of lesbian friends and that’s how you start the connections and then you date all of your friends in that circle LOL LOL. Oh boy! LOL It made me think of the sitcom Friends… everyone dated everyone!
Do I want that? It would be just weird to date your friend or a friend of a friend or ex of a friend or ex of an ex etc LOL… but then would you just let maybe the future mommy of your baby go by just because of all that connection complication? LOL… Am I thinking too much? Can there be just one person without all this ramifications that ends up being THE one? Can I just have that person and not go around and around in the lesbian world links/connections/collections? Or should I go around and around to figure things out? But I am not getting any younger… maybe that’s why I should go around and enjoy (as I told Gina – in a very kidding note-) “as much insignificant sex with no attachments and emotions with whatever girl crosses my path” LOL or just stay and cross my fingers that the right person will come but if that doesn’t happen then I don’t want to wake up one day when I am 65 alone and ask “what happened?”
At the same time, I am too much of an “old fashioned” woman and I believe in loving/having a strong connection with someone before moving into deeper more intimate levels; I like being nice, sweet, romantic, understanding, considerate, polite, the best I can be for my partner etc… but is that going to get me anywhere especially now in days? I think (and what I’ve seen and experienced) is that most of the “old fashioned” people like me end up being the best friend and not the leading role lady in the movies of life (if that makes sense)...
This Friday I had a good time volunteering… it gave me time to just clear my mind but at the same time think and feel too much… more than I expected… I saw almost all the people I know in Asheville and hanged out with them, which it is weird because I don’t know too many people LOL… I made some new connections and hopefully future friendships… but the deal is that some of them I thought to be gay/lesbian and they ended up being totally straight LOL uh? And all I had (as usually happens) were guys hitting on me… how come?? Maybe I am more opened and comfortable in the straight world that I end up with more straight friends and guys wanting to go out with me than making more gay/lesbian friends and girls wanting to go out with me LO?… Perhaps I need to switch gears and start really showing a rainbow flag or something LOL.
My gaydar is totally broken… and makes me question if I am less lesbian than what I think I am LOL… crazy isn’t it?
I guess I’ll figure things out… eventually… I have some years ahead of me before I start to freak out and end up with 20 cats, 25 Schnauzers, and living deep on the woods LOL LOL… ok too much!
Thanks to Gina for hanging out (or rescuing me from the straight world on Friday) and singing with me “I touch myself” in our way to the New French Bar… Thanks for putting up with me and my complicated/weird conversations LOL… you rock girl!
