Yesterday, I met my friend Jeff (aka Mr. Unicycle Man) to go up to Black Mountain to conquer Kitsuma. This was my very first time there and pretty much my first time doing a ride at Black Mtn.
Thus far, it is THE most technical ride I've done! The uphills were tough... to points that I had to just hike them... there were too many tree roots and obstacles making it difficult to get any traction on the uphills.
Once we got to the top of Kitsuma the fun/scary/crazy part started. OMG, OMG... that's all I started to say when I saw the downhill... and that was just the first one LOL... the rest got more scary and tough.
There were times I really thought I was going to fall off the trail and end up going down the mountain... it really was scary and I had my heart pumping all the way thru the ride!
After the mtn part was over, we had a tedious uphill ride on concrete for what it seemed to me hrs... but it was just about less than 1 hr or so... however, we did it wearing lights because by the time we were done with the mtn part of Kitsuma it was dark! That's a first one for me... riding in the dark.
Thanks Mr. UniMan for taking me there and allowing me to conquer and experience the freakiest (thus far) ride of my young mtn biking addiction LOL.
This Friday I found myself using that phrase… it was a strange Friday that’s for sure… but the rest of the weekend was just peachy. This is a recall of my weekend:
Friday: I don't eat much candy and I am not a sweet tooth person, but I confess... I love Tootsie rolls... and I ate a bunch of them thanks to my trip to HR to talk about petty cash (darned blame on that! LOL). See pic... I ate all of them in minutes!
Later that afternoon/evening, I volunteered at the beer booth, as usual, for last Downtown After 5 event. It was hectic, but I really enjoyed it… there were a lot of pics taking and hugs and good wishes to the volunteers… some people even made friendships during the volunteering process…
After finishing my shift, I met with some of the PAS people (mtn biking) and we talked about rides, bikes, accidents LOL, trail preservation, and future adventures (we are planning to go camping to Tsali for a weekend and to Dupont in Nov). Later on, I had a bite to eat… and then I thought “mmm I haven’t been to the gay clubs in a while I wonder what’s happening”… so I went to the lesbian club: Hairspray.
Pufff the place changed a little bit but everything else is that same… the DJ sucked (doesn’t make any mixes and puts a lot of booty call music), the girls there are not too attractive and/or could care less to make eye contact with me, and I just felt “too old for that sh*t” LOL… really… I ended up reading an article about Mika and drinking less than half of my beer. Then, I started to think too much and even became a little nostalgic.
As I was leaving (around 12 am), I saw my ex’s best friend there… I felt really weird, not that I got busted because well I am single again, it is just that the way I always saw her was around my ex or around my ex’s friends… It was really stupid from my part because didn’t know what to say! I barely say hi… and left. From that shocking experience or reaction I went to Scandals (the gay club) because I needed to dance… I just wanted to let everything out… dance with the electronica music… the last time I went dancing was the night my ex pretty much decided she didn’t want to further continue our relation… so this was, in a way, a form of moving on and conquer my problems/fears.
Couple girls came and tried to dance with me… but I moved away… I am not interested in that anymore… I didn’t even had a single drink!… I just wanted to dance alone and sober… once again “I am too old for that sh*t” and could care less about picking up drunk girls in a gay club! I actually gave one of them a ride to her place... I was really worried that some guy or girl would have taken advantage of her, gosh she was so drunk! How sad!
Saturday: got up early to meet some fellow PAS mtn bikers to do Mills River at 9:30 am. I got there but I didn’t see anyone! Not sure what happened but, in any case, I went for the ride alone. I went up to Trail Ridge to Spencer Branch to Fletcher Creek Rd to Fletcher Creek Trail intersecting Middle Fork and the little creek –that wasn’t that little and got really wet- back to Fletcher Creek Trail to Reservoir to the parking lot. When I was riding Fletcher Creek Trail I looked down and saw the little turtle walking on the trail like nothing… it was so cute! (see pic). I enjoyed this ride… it was long, muggy, and wet… a lot of tree branches smacking me and the fields were high… but a great ride!
From Mills River, I went to Bent Creek for my second round of mtn biking (yes I am crazy!). There, I met a new friend Mr. Unicycle Man (see pics)… I’ve seen him before during the week (it looks like we go to Bent Cree the same days on the week), so we started to talk… I mean how crazy is that? Mtn biking is hard enough with two wheels… now with just one! And no breaks! And no gears! Well, we ended up riding together and even doing tricks LOL… He showed me some new/more trails and shared some “horror” stories like the time he was biking and a bear chased him on the trails LOL… We are planning to bike together during the week and next Sunday we are hitting Kitsuma at Black Mtn! He said that I’ll end up unicycling some day… Mmm I am not sure about that one!
In summary, I mtn biked about 5 hrs this past Saturday… that is a new record for me!
Sunday: I took it easy… I was going to go to church but I was sore… I also was going to meet the PAS people at 10:30 am for a ride at Bent Creek but I was still tired from Saturday… later that day, I went Downtown for some late lunch and to do some work on my laptop…. Then home… and to bed…
And that’s it… more things to come this week… and more mtn biking rides! Oh yeah before I forget... I am over/cured about the "you are great blah blah but not the right person for me" or the "you'll make a great catch for someone" statements... I feel much better about it... and indeed I'll make a superb catch for some lucky lady! =0)
My heart could take a chance but my two feet can’t find a way
You'd think that I could muster up a little soft shoe gentle sway
But I don’t feel like dancin’ no sir no dancin’ today
I don’t feel like dancin’, dancin’
Even if I find nothing better to do
I don’t feel like dancin’, dancin’
Why'd you break it down when I’m not in the mood?
Don’t feel like dancin’, dancin’…"
-- Scissor Sisters
I feel my dancin’ moves are gone south blue and my spark is gone in the dark… what happened? I am not sure. In every other aspect of my life I feel great and I know/feel a better person everyday but I am struggling a little bit in this area. Maybe people don’t feel the spark with me because I really don’t feel the spark in me LOL makes sense? I could muster up a little soft shoe gentle sway but the problem is that I don’t feel like taking the chance and the worse is that I don’t feel like dancin in the moves of the right dating/loving way. I think/feel am not over my last relation… at least not yet, perhaps so? I am not sure!
My therapist told me “it is ok to go out in dates, there is nothing wrong with you and because you go out in a date doesn’t mean you are going to marry the person, it is good to meet people that way!” and she adds “you are young, smart, and good looking, a great catch for someone”…
I tell you what; if I hear that “great catch” phrase again I am going to piss all over the person! Yesterday in my 3 hr mtn bike ride I thought about my relations and dating situations to realize that all and I mean ALL (since I came out) have ended up with statements that go like this:
-“You are a wonderful, amazing, thoughtful, sweet, beautiful, smart person, one of the best persons that has come into my life and I am so fortune to have had the opportunity to know you; lucky the one that wins your heart… and when that happens I’ll be really sad… but you are not the right person for me”
-“You are a very lovely person, a little too systematic at times but I know you mean the best, you can be really funny and overall you are beautiful and great, but I prefer to have you just as a friend because you are not the right person for me, but you’ll be a great catch for someone”
- “You are smart, cute, sweet, nice, a sensual kisser, but I don’t feel the spark I need to feel with someone I am dating… you’ll be a great catch for someone for sure”
“Hey there, you didn’t say or do anything wrong or anything to offend me, now I am too busy but I am sure you’ll be a great catch for someone”
WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL LOL LOL really! LOL How come they tell me I can be a great catch for the rest of the Universe but I think when the rest of the Universe meets me they might tell me the same LOL LOL, really!
So during my 3 hrs of mtn biking I was thinking “what’s wrong? Why everyone tells me I am all these adjectives but I end up not being the right person for them… where do things go south blue? What is it that all of them have in common? But if all of them say the same then it has to be something related with me?”
I guess this is another of those issues I need to figure out for my own mental safe sakes… It makes me feel strange even if I am not so much into the person… but just having the same thing and phrases over and over makes me wonder… Also, I wonder how come if other people can solve problems that have had an impact on their relations (some of them go to the point of breaking up) and get back together, why are my relations the exception? Again, there is something wrong… maybe is it related to the people I get into relations with? Maybe is the people that chooses me for a relation/dating? Mmmm
Ahh who knows….
In other very important news UCF lost to Texas by just 3 points!!! My boys played a GREAT game and I am so proud of them! I was at the sport bar (I think I was one of the few girls there and the only one wearing my school jersey) the only UCF Knight there vs. a bunch of Texas Longhorns guys… and heck I was jumping around… and getting into trash talking with the guys LOL… Ah what a wonderful Saturday!
The best part is that I looked at them with a tender heart and smile… I don’t feel good or bad, I just feel like “oh” or in a more “Mmmm oh well” way LOL if that makes any sense. I don’t live in the past, but I welcome the experiences in my past life that has shaped me in to the person I am today… and the person I continue to become… It is such a sense of peace and in a weird sense of happiness that makes me feel fine with everything that happens… even content with my life now (of course at times I wish I’ve done things in a different ways or if I’ve know as much as I know about myself now… but all wishful thinking is a waste!).
Last Sunday at church the choir sang “Bridge Over Troubled Water” by Simon and Garfunkel… I sang it out loud…Haven’t we all been in troubled waters in one moment or another of our lives? I’ve been there, I am the first to admit my highs and lows and even swallow my pride and by doing so I’ve found my bridges = friends, family, people at work, church… but the most important bridge I found was myself, all the answers where within me, all the bridges I needed have always been in me…
This song goes to all of you that need a bridge… You can count on me!
When you're weary; feeling small,
When tears are in your eyes, I will dry them all;
I'm on your side oh when times get rough
And friends just can't be found.
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down.
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down.
When you're down and out;
when you're on the street;
when evening falls so hard
I will comfort you.
I'll take your part
oh when darkness comes.
And pain is all around.
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down
Sail on silvergirl;
sail on by.
Your time has come to shine.
All your dreams are on their way.
See how they shine.
Oh if you need a friend
I'm sailing right behind.
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will ease your mind
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will ease your mind.
Summary of the Weekend:
Friday: Stayed home and had a nice dinner... watched Blades of Glory. What a funny movie! I thought "oh it might be too stupid to watch" and indeed was stupid but super funny! I also had my first martini in while...
Saturday: woke up feeling hanged over (thanks to the martini), but I geared up and went hiking to Chimney Rock (see pic of the area with the waterfall) with LJ. Long hike but nice views... I had a great time walking and talking to LJ and getting to know her better (although all the hiking and talking left us exhausted!)... I really liked her comment about the transgender fly LOL LOL... Had a nice pizza for early dinner at Lake Lure…great way to spend Saturday. Thanks LJ! Then, home to watch some college football, but I didn’t make it pass 9:30 pm… by then I was in bed. Amazing, isn’t it?
Sunday: went to church. I had no idea the hrs have changed. Now we have two services: 9:15 and 11:15 am. Well, I got there to the old hour of 10 am to find out the new change, oh well… I went and had brunch and then to the 11:15 service. It was great! After that, geared up and went mtn biking for couple hrs: Up Pinnacle down to Ingles Fields down to Wolf Branch to Fork Left to some other trail to another to I don’t know where LOL to the parking lot. I did a lot of new exploring that’s for sure! I had the wind knocked out couple times… but it was all good. On my way to Pinnacle couple trees felt down… that was a show! See pic. Later that afternoon and night some football watching and by 10 pm I was in bed until I was abruptly waken up by a call… grrrr… but not a biggie… I went back to sleep.
Now I am at working having a “battle” about the AC. There is one guy here that probably weights like 300 lbs and keeps on getting hot, so he keeps on changing the AC to cold to a point that I can’t feel my fingers… to a point that other people here keep on telling me how cold they are… but they don’t speak up. I tried to approach this issue in a democratic way, but I guess people are afraid to upset this guy (who to me = nothing), so forget about democracy! I’ve become Che Guevara and took into the mission of getting maintenance to set the same temperature we have thru out the plant and to put a key in the thermostats so changes can be done only by maintenance. End of the problem!
OMG OMG OMG College football is here! OMG OMG!!! Another season of suffering just began LOL. Suffering? Yes, suffering as my UCF Knights take the fields to battle another season of hope for this crazy alum.Every year is the same... I start with the OMG that converts, as the weeks go by, into a "bunch of bitches" statement LOL. Yeap, the people that really know me have heard it before... I am one of those that have cried tears of pain at the stadium when my boys lost the C-USA Championship... tears of pain in front of the TV when we went to our first bowl (Hawaii) and lost by a kick-goal... or the season when we lost every single game... Ahhhhh
And I am still the one that wears a UCF shirt and goes to the bar whenever we play on ESPN and say “those are my boys! GOOOO Knights!” or when I see one of our football players now on the NFL I jump and say “he is a Knight yeayayayeieieieieee!” Yeap that’s me the faithful! As good or bad we can be I am proud to call myself a UCF Knight.
With that said I am already feeling a little sick and nervous because the innaguration of our brand new stadium (a piece of beauty by the way) is going to be on Sept 15 and with no other than the Texas Longhorns (ESPN2 at 3:30 pm), whaaaaat???? LOL LOL (that was my reaction followed by a “holy shit!” –That’s how serious this is that I even used profanity-).
Well, it doesn’t matter… maybe we’ll do just fine… or even if we do horrible (and I’ll start saying “please bitches please! Do better for me please!” and going on my knees in a form of pray LOL) I love my school and I’ll be out there proud of my school, wearing a UCF Knights shirt, singing our fighting songs, and doing the sword routine LOL while I’ll be screaming GOOOO KNIGHTS!!!
What a holiday weekend! It was maybe the best I’ve had thus far… at least the first one without an emotional roller coaster! Or as I call it “I can be brown I can be blue I can be violeted sky…” that’s Grace Kelly by Mika LOL.
The more I go on and the more I open my eyes to my soul the more I enjoy my internal peace and the silence and tranquility that brings. Hush from the external noises that have caused me at times to become deaf from my inner voice and even become distant and disconnected from my heart and soul. At the same time it is allowing me to find the peacefulness from the quiet surroundings of nature and the company of places, people, and situations that also bring a sense of no talking and no thinking, just enjoy the moment and smile at the blissfulness of being here and now…
Saturday was a terrific day. I went mountain biking to Bent Creek for 2 ½ hrs. My first ride solo to Greens Lick! Went all over the place as a warm up (basically I got lost LOL) and then up Boyd Branch connecting to Ingles Fields to some other trail down to Greens Lick… what a fun ride! Later that afternoon I met with LJ (first time these initials are appearing on my blog that deserve a hooray), I had a fabulous afternoon and evening talking and getting to know her… and for her to get to know a little bit more about me, I hope we continue to get to know each other more and better! Oh the fly suicide is a classic now! LOL
Sunday, I took it easy. I was sore from my Saturday ride, so I went Downtown for a bit (you know me… I like having lunch Downtown and watch people), then home for a cappuccino and reading and later a movie… Later that night my dearest of friend Dary called me. I am so glad you are out of the quicksand you were at “chancluda”… I missed you so much! I know how hard is to have your heart broken… it sucks… but just remember that means hope and excitement because the right person is still out there. You’ll also be the same thing for that person… love and sharing with another person is great, but the most important love is the one within you and the relationship you have with you… when you love yourself you can let others in… and if that person is at the same loving level as you then Ooh la la! I love you so much and know that I will always be here for you!
Monday another mountain biking day, but this time was a mountain biking marathon! Bent Creek: 2 hrs starting at Ingles Field up to another trail down to Greens Lick. This time I did jumps at Greens Lick, it was crazy! My first 2 major jumps! It was like woowowiieieieieieieeiiiieieie LOL I was in the air (after all my bike is a “stump jumper” so I wanted to put it at test) and I thought “you stupid woman… you are riding alone… what if you fall (which can be really easy because this is a technical downhill) and break something or you neck” Mmmm yeah I thought about it… but then I did another jump… wowowowoiieieieieieieieeee LOL.
On my way home I thought “Mmmm I feel like I haven’t done any biking” so I went to Mills River into Fletcher Creek… another 2 hrs of biking. This trail/ride is really quiet. At BC you always see people (that’s why I was not too concerned about breaking my neck, I figured out someone would find me LOL) but at Fletcher Creek you see trees LOL and horse poop LOL… well… I started to think “are there panthers here? Or bobcats? The two NC pro-teams –NFL and NBA- are named after those animals… Mmm what about bears? “I got a little scared but there it was another hill and another jump wowowowowoiieieieieiieiee LOL so that took care of my fears. Great ride! Almost felt off the trail into the side of the hill, but all good… Got smacked several times by tree harms, legs, and heads LOL… but it was all worth it! =)
Great holiday weekend!
