Yoshitoshi's World

At times I find myself with the feeling I can’t breathe… It is a built up on my chess, a lack of oxygen going to my brain, the built up of the stress and frustrations and the lack of way to externalize this weird feeling to the point of draining me… and I feel exhausted…

I try to keep my perspective up, after all, life is beautiful and everything is working the way it should, maybe way too good to be true… and then I get hit with this feelings or lack of them? I am not sure… I just hope it goes away…

I am drained, I am tired, and it seems that everything hurts and my brain keeps on focusing on the gloomy out coming of life when there is not much I should be seeing blue/gloomy…. I don’t feel the same way… It is really hard to get out of bed, I am not interested on talking to people or being around them... even with those I cherish, and it is very difficult to keep a conversation with someone out-side of work (of course, work conversations are always dried, short, and cold maybe that's why I can keep up with those...). I go to bed late, wake up late, get to work late, and leave work late... I am always late!

Couple days ago I bought me a bonsai. I have gave bonsais to friends in important times, to reminding them that I can be of good support like a tree… but I never thought of getting one for me because I am not good with plants (I even killed a cactus!). Nevertheless, this time I decided to get a little Juniper that I named Batistuta (in honor of my favorite soccer player Gabriel Batistuta aka BatiGol) to remind me that everything in life (especially the most important-delicate things like love and friendships) are like trees… you really need to put time on them, keep the bugs out of them, and just take care of them in order to grow and have a healthy-fulfilling life… Hopefully Batistuta won’t die on me…

Tomorrow will be another day and I am sure the sun will shine… it is my choice, right?