Today on this raining afternoon I couldn’t help it but to wonder, how many dates/month should you wait before you have sex with the person? What are the dynamics behind all that? Are there any basic rules?
I’ve had conversations about this with my therapist before (yes I go to therapy, why not? I want to be the best I can be and there is nothing wrong with having a professional giving you his/her intake!) and she indicated that the studies show that people should wait at least 3 months before becoming intimate, in that way, they already know each other and won’t fall in the trap of mistaken the sexual connection for trust and knowledge of the person.
Interesting…
Can people really wait 3 months??? Is that possible? What is “normal” in what circumstances? What should the rules be?
I’ve asked some friends about it and they all laughed… most of them told me that by the 3rd date they were already in bed especially in the dynamics of the lesbian world LOL…So if you feel the connection and the intensity, would that be just lust? Can that lust be then developed into knowing/trusting/committing? But also isn’t sex an important part of the process of knowing/trusting? What if you have a great connection with the person, go out 3 months, do all the “right/normal” things and then you find out you have zero connections in the bed? Can that be possible?
I decided to create a survey and see what people in the queer/lesbian community say… of course, I already had some comments (from the older ladies) slapping me because I am asking too much, because who am I to get into their business, because this and that… blah blah… (btw, I really dislike saying the “lesbian community” because I’ve found out a lack of unity and community within and a lot of attacks on each other – OMG like the time I asked for definitions for lesbian, queer, butch, dyke, etc uff).
So here it is the infamous survey: http://www.zoomerang.com/survey.zgi?p=WEB226UWVXBCHV
Let’s see what it’ll reveal!
I’ve had conversations about this with my therapist before (yes I go to therapy, why not? I want to be the best I can be and there is nothing wrong with having a professional giving you his/her intake!) and she indicated that the studies show that people should wait at least 3 months before becoming intimate, in that way, they already know each other and won’t fall in the trap of mistaken the sexual connection for trust and knowledge of the person.
Interesting…
Can people really wait 3 months??? Is that possible? What is “normal” in what circumstances? What should the rules be?
I’ve asked some friends about it and they all laughed… most of them told me that by the 3rd date they were already in bed especially in the dynamics of the lesbian world LOL…So if you feel the connection and the intensity, would that be just lust? Can that lust be then developed into knowing/trusting/committing? But also isn’t sex an important part of the process of knowing/trusting? What if you have a great connection with the person, go out 3 months, do all the “right/normal” things and then you find out you have zero connections in the bed? Can that be possible?
I decided to create a survey and see what people in the queer/lesbian community say… of course, I already had some comments (from the older ladies) slapping me because I am asking too much, because who am I to get into their business, because this and that… blah blah… (btw, I really dislike saying the “lesbian community” because I’ve found out a lack of unity and community within and a lot of attacks on each other – OMG like the time I asked for definitions for lesbian, queer, butch, dyke, etc uff).
So here it is the infamous survey: http://www.zoomerang.com/survey.zgi?p=WEB226UWVXBCHV
Let’s see what it’ll reveal!
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